Post Scene to Surrender
by Mulderette
Summary: Carter/Benton Friendship piece that takes place after the episode "Surrender"


Title: Post Scene to Surrender   
Author: Lynne Facella  
Category: JC & PB Friendship  
Disclaimer: All ER characters are the property of Warner Brothers, NBC, etc.  
Spoilers: All in the Family through Surrender  
Note: Short post episode piece to surrender (I couldn't for the life of me think of a title.)  
  
  
"Goodbye Chase. I'll be back to see you again really soon. I promise." John hesitantly leaned down and gave his cousin a hug, blinking back tears when he felt Chase's arms weakly returning the embrace.  
  
"You take care of yourself, okay?" he said gruffly as he left the room. His thoughts were jumbled all over the place as he made his way out of the building into the safe haven of his jeep. He closed the door behind him and just leaned his head back against the headrest. He wasn't quite sure how he felt. He had gone to his meetings, had admitted to being a drug addict, but until an hour or so ago he had never really believed it. Now, in his heart, he knew that it was true. He, John Carter, was an addict. He felt strangely relieved to have just let it all out in a place where he hadn't felt like he was being judged. He had felt that way earlier with Dr. Benton. He knew that he was pissed at him, angry that he had slipped. He sighed, still feeling in many ways like that young, naïve medical student who had always been seeking Dr. Benton's approval. Now he wondered if he would ever get it.   
  
He put the key into the ignition and started driving home, but at the last minute he decided to take a detour. He started driving towards Dr. Benton's sister's house. When he arrived he recognized Dr. Benton's car parked out front, yet still he hesitated. What exactly was he hoping to accomplish here? Most likely he was just going to succeed in getting Dr. Benton even more pissed off at him than he already was. Finally he got out of the jeep and walked up to the front porch, rapping on the door. After a few moments, Dr. Benton appeared.  
  
"What do you want, Carter?" Benton asked through the screen, a mild look of annoyance on his face.  
  
"I wondered if I could talk to you for a minute?"  
  
Benton shook his head. "Carter we're just sitting down to dinner. I'll catch you at work, okay?"  
  
"Fine." Turning away quickly, so as not to show the hurt he felt at Dr. Benton's abrupt dismissal, Carter quickly started back towards his jeep.   
  
Benton stood still for a moment, watching as his former student fled from him. "Jackie I'll be back in a few," he called, grabbing his coat and trotting out after Carter. "Carter wait!"  
  
Carter ignored Dr. Benton's call, and was just in the process of opening the door when Benton came up and pushed it closed.  
  
"What are you doing?" Carter turned towards Benton, his eyes blazing. "Go eat your dinner. I'll talk to you at work."  
  
"Come on, Carter, I'm sorry, okay? I just didn't expect to see you here. You surprised me." Benton stuck his hands deep into his jacket pockets and gazed steadily at Carter. "So...what's up, Carter?"  
  
"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about what happened today," Carter hung his head, kicking at an icy patch on the sidewalk. "I know how you must feel."  
  
"No Carter...I don't think you do."  
  
"Yes, I do," Carter looked up, gazing directly into Benton's eyes. "I know you're upset with me and I'm sorry that I slipped. I wish I could explain to you why I did it, but I can't. All I can do is apologize and say that I will try like hell for it not to happen again."  
  
"You're wrong, Carter. I'm not mad that you made a mistake. I'm mad because you lied to me man. After all that has happened, you looked me in the eye and you lied to me."  
  
Carter sighed deeply and was silent for a few moments. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I shouldn't have lied to you. I don't know what else you want me to say."   
  
"You should have just told me the truth, Carter."  
  
"Yeah well...I didn't think you needed to know."  
  
"I told you I was going to talk to Weaver, man. You should have told me then."  
  
"I asked you not to talk to her. But you just wouldn't listen." Gazing up at the house, Carter could see Reese watching them through the window of Jackie's living room. A moment later Jackie picked him up and pulled down the shade.   
  
"I didn't listen to you because I care about you," Benton said, raising his voice. "I thought you were getting an unfair deal Carter and if you weren't going to stick up for yourself, I wanted to help you."  
  
Carter shook his head slowly. "You can't protect me anymore, Dr. Benton. I appreciate that you want to, but you can't."  
  
"Carter...I just wish you would have talked to me. Maybe I could have helped."  
  
"I couldn't...I couldn't talk to you," Carter said, vacantly staring up at the house once more.  
  
"Why not, Carter?" Benton grabbed Carter's arm so that the younger man was facing him. "Why couldn't you talk to me Carter? With everything that has happened, I thought we were beyond that by now. I thought you trusted me man."  
  
"I do trust you."  
  
"Well Carter," Benton began, shaking his head. "You sure have a funny way of showing it."  
  
"You really don't get it, do you?"  
  
"No Carter, I guess I don't get it. Why don't you explain it to me."  
  
"I didn't tell you because I didn't want to disappoint you!" Carter yelled, in a sudden outburst of emotion. "Not again. Not after everything you did for me. The day of the intervention, when I walked into that room and I saw you, I wanted to die, just drop dead right on the spot. I was ashamed that you had to see me like that All I ever wanted was to gain your respect...and...and I knew you were disappointed in me."  
  
Carter took a deep breath and tried to regain his composure, lowering his voice. "If you hadn't gone after me that day, I would have just kept spiraling out of control. It...it meant everything to me when you went with me to Atlanta," Carter said, gnawing on his lower lip. "So when I slipped...I didn't want you to know."  
  
"Carter...Carter..." Benton put his hand on Carter's shoulder, lightly rubbing it. "I'm not your teacher anymore. You don't have to try so hard with me. I'd like to think we've gotten past that by now. I...I care about you man."  
  
"I know you care about me, Dr. Benton," Carter said, a lost look in his eyes, "but you don't respect me."  
  
"Come on man...you're wrong about that," Benton said, his eyes filled with sadness. "I do respect you Carter. I know you've been to hell and back. Carter I don't think you have any idea how many times I wished I had reached out to you after you were stabbed. I should have seen the signs earlier. I should have noticed you were in trouble."  
  
"It wasn't your fault," Carter said.. "Nobody is to blame but me. I did this to myself."  
  
"You're not listening to me, man," Benton said, shaking his head. "I'm not talking about blame here. I'm telling you that I *do* respect you, Carter. I always have. I don't want you to feel that you can't come to me, no matter what the problem is, okay?"  
  
Carter stood gazing into the eyes of his former teacher for a few moments and then slowly nodded his head. "Okay...Thank you, Dr. Benton." He broke into a smile as Reese popped his head up between the shade and the window and he waved at the little boy who waved back. "I think Reese misses his daddy."  
  
Benton glanced up at the house with a grin and waved at his son. "I guess I should go back inside. I like to read a book with him before he goes to sleep. You want to come in for a while?"  
  
Carter shook his head. "No. I'm good. Thanks Dr. Benton."  
  
"Okay. You take care of yourself, Carter and remember what I said. I'm here for you whenever you need me."  
  
Carter nodded and watched as Dr. Benton walked towards his house, turning back to wave before going inside. Carter waved back as he climbed into his jeep. It had been a rough day, yet in many ways a very satisfying one and he actually felt better than he had in a long, long time.   
  
  
The End  



End file.
